Gender, Identity & Orientation
If you and your family are navigating the topic of gender identity and expression, there are some awesome books that can help! The titles below can help you begin to answer questions that come up when a child is questioning their gender identity. Think of these books as tools for you to keep on hand as you begin to build a strong, accepting and supportive environment for your child. The more you reassure them that your home is a safe space, in which they can express themselves & explore, the more supported they will feel. There are links to additional resources at the end of this post, I hope they’re helpful!
A HUGE & special thank you to my dear friend, and author, Steven Salvatore, for their help with putting this post together. You can find more info about Steven, and their upcoming book, The Other Side of Silence, below.
I hope you love the books I recommend! Please note that the links below are affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Books About Identity and Gender
Dance Is For Everyone is a fun book featuring a crocodile who wants to join a ballet class. I love how it conveys messages of inclusion. This is a great book to start with because it introduces concepts of similarities and differences, and that neither of these should be barriers.
My Shape Is Sam - a sweet and subtle book about the importance of being yourself.
Pink Is For Boys is the stereotype-smashing book we’ve been waiting for, reminding us how beautiful the world is when we don’t impose limits on each other.
When Aidan Became a Brother is a sweet story about a transgender child and his family as they prepare for the birth of his new sibling. This book approaches trans identity in a simple and age-appropriate way for young children. It also helps readers to reflect on the harm that can be caused by gender stereotypes.
It Feels Good To Be Yourself explains that some people are boys, some are girls, some are neither and some are somewhere in between. The wording is simple and to-the-point, and the illustrations are just gorgeous!
I Am Jazz - written by the real Jazz Jennings, who has become an inspiration and advocate for trans kids everywhere. The book uses simple, straight-forward text and beautiful pictures to tell her story. You’ll read about her life, as child who began to identify as a girl at a very young age, through the ups and downs of her transition. You’ll also meet her family and friends who have loved and supported her every step of the way.
Introducing Teddy - This is one of my new favorites!!! Errol and Teddy are best friends. Teddy is sad until he tells Errol that he has always felt like a girl in his heart. He asks Errol to call him Tilly. Errol assures Tilly that it doesn’t matter, so long as they are friends. With Tilly now happier and feeling like her true self, their friendship grows. This book is sweet, gentle, and very relatable!
Perfectly Norman - When Norman sprouts wings one day he’s afraid of what others will think of them. He tries to hide them from everyone. He hides inside of a winter coat, missing out on his life with his friends and family. When he finally decides to show everyone his wings he is overjoyed to find others like him who love to fly.
Dazzling Travis - I absolutely love this book! Travis is a confident, well-rounded kid. He loves dressing up in capes and crowns, playing dolls and playing football. But what happens when the other kids at school tell him that he should “act like a boy?” He stands his ground, and proves that there are no limits on how to play or who you are.
Benny’s True Colors - This book is so sweet and heartwarming, it’s a definite MUST READ! Benny is a bat who doesn’t feel like a bat. He stays awake during the day and hates eating bugs. He loves flying with the butterflies, admiring their beautiful colors and patterned wings. With the help of his butterfly friends and lots of love and support from his mom, he finds a way to make his outer appearance match his inner butterfly. The messages in this book encourage readers to be who they are, not to please others, but just for themselves. They also illustrate how important it is for kids to have unconditional love and support as they navigate questions about identity and orientation.
The Perfect Fit - No matter how hard she tries, Triangle can’t find her perfect fit. She’s not like the other shapes, she can’t roll like the circles or stack like the squares. She sets off on a quest to find friends who look just like her, only to find that it’s much more fun when all of the shapes play together. With lively and engaging illustrations and strong messages about inclusion and diversity, this book is great for your home or classroom library!
Call Me Max - Another fantastic book by author, Kyle Lukoff! Follow Max as he explains what it means to be transgender and how important it is to be true to yourself. I love the way this book helps little readers understand the feelings and experiences of trans kids.
What Riley Wore - On Monday Riley wore a bunny costume, on Tuesday Riley wore a superhero cape, a ball gown on Wednesday, and space jammies on Thursday. Riley just wears what feels good. I love this thoughtfully-written story about staying true to yourself! I love the way Riley encourages readers to listen to themselves and explore all that they can be. Non-binary readers will see themselves reflected in the pages of this colorful book.
The Dragon Who Didn’t Like Fire - Little Dragon learns quickly that she’s a bit different from the rest of her family. No matter how hard she tries, she can’t fly or blow fire, like her dad and siblings. So when an attempt at flying lands her in the lake, she soon realizes that maybe she’s not a dragon at all. With messages about unconditional love, acceptance, and the power of being your true self, this book is a must read!
Books Featuring LGBTQ+ Families
Who’s Your Real Mom - Elvi has two moms and her friend wants to know which is her “real” mom. Elvi explains that her real mom is a pirate, who can cartwheel up mountains, the one who takes care of her, and the one who tucks her in at night. I love the sweet and whimsical way that Elvi describes both of her mothers.
Uncle Bobby’s Wedding - Uncle Bobby and Chloe are the best of friends. But when he announces that he will be getting married to Jamie, Chloe worries that her uncle will no longer have time for her. This sweet book will warm your heart, and remind readers that there’s always room for more love in our hearts.
We Are Family and A Family is a Family is A Family are two fabulous books about families in every shape and size, including families with disabilities, divorced parents, same-sex parents, families with adopted and foster children, children who live with grandparents and families of many different ethnic backgrounds. These books are so important for all children to read, because it illustrates the beautiful diversity of the real world.
The Family Book and Families, Families, Families are 2 great books! Both tell the stories of families of all shapes and sizes. Each is different, but all of them are full of love.
Love is Love - a beautiful, thought-provoking book that touches on themes of acceptance, diversity and the importance of love. When our main character is bullied, he confides in his friend and learns that his two dads are very much like her parents. I like the way this story addresses the issues that LGBTQ+ families face, such as being viewed as different and scary, which allows readers and their families to have their own discussions. Most importantly, this book brings readers into the lives of many different types of families and all the love they share.
Papa, Daddy, & Riley - Riley’s dads love her in their own special ways. She’s daddy’s dragon and papa’s princess. When her friends in school ask her who real “real” dad is, she thinks that she has to choose. Her parents explain that she never has to choose because families come in all shapes, sizes and are filled with love in their own special ways.
Pride Colors - a beautiful and engaging board book featuring photos of LGBTQ+ families of all kinds. I love the way Stevenson pairs sweet text & gorgeous photos to teach readers about love and colors. It’s so important for all children to see themselves and their families as important and represented, making this the perfect book for your home or school library. For ages 0-2+.
Fred Gets Dressed - If you have a toddler, who loves to be naked like I do, you’ll love this book. Fred loves to romp around the house in his birthday suit. But when he romps into his parents’ closet and tries on his mom's clothes, it just feels right! He even tries on her jewelry and makeup. The absolute best part of this book is when Fred’s parents join him, putting on makeup and jewelry themselves.
Bathe The Cat - Grandma Marge is coming and the house is a mess! There are dishes to clean, the floor to sweep, the lawn to mow, and the cat needs a bath. But don’t count on anything getting done, because this sly and sneaky cat is on a mission to confuse and distract the entire family. Will Dad, Papa, Bobby, Sarah, and the baby get it all done in time? Featuring a lively multiracial family with 2 dads and lots of laughs, this book is so much fun! Clever rhyming text paired with hilarious, vintage-style illustrations, make for a truly unique story!
Mr. Watson’s Chickens - This book is SO much fun to read! Mr. Watson and Mr. Nelson love chickens. But when their flock grows from 3 to 456 their “big honking house” becomes too much to manage. There are chickens in the bathtub, in the sink, and even on the roof. Full of loveable characters, rollicking rhymes, and lots of adventure, this book is a modern classic!
My Maddy!- This gorgeous book is so heartwarming and belongs on every bookshelf. Stories that celebrate non-binary parents are incredibly important for all children to read. At its core, this book is about the love between parent and child, an ode to loving each other and yourself just as you are.
Rainbow Boy - When grown-ups ask kids “What’s your favorite color?” it can be hard to choose. So why not pick them all? Follow along as one spirited little boy explains why his favorite color is blue on Fridays, how his scaly green mermaid tail makes him feel on Thursdays, and how his sparkling pink tutu turns him into a ballerina on Sundays. I love the way this book challenges gender stereotypes and inspires readers to find what makes them their, happiest, truest selves.
My Daddy Can Fly- I love books that take stereotypes and turn them upside down, and this one did not disappoint! Ben’s dad is a dancer in the American Ballet Theater, so when he tells his friends that his daddy can fly, they think he must be a pilot. He tells them that his dad is strong, fierce, gentle, and fast, and keeps them guessing until the very end. This book was so much fun to read!
I’ll be adding more books to this post soon. If you have some that have been helpful for you and the little ones you love, post a comment below, or send me an email at bigbooksforlittlehands@gmail.com, I’d LOVE to hear about them
Quick Tips:
The most important thing to remember is that your child needs to feel loved and supported. You can help your child by speaking to siblings, grandparents, extended family and teachers about using supportive & inclusive language.
Genderspectrum.org offers a wealth of information for families. This article offers advice on supportive parenting practices, navigating feelings, safety considerations, medical and mental health considerations, and much much more.
Preview the books before you read them to your child. This will help you decide which ones are appropriate for your child’s age and attention span.
Find a cozy place to read, it will help you and your child feel relaxed and comfortable.
As you read, take your time, let your child take in the words and pictures.
Answer questions that come up. If your child is sharing his/her thoughts and comments, stop reading and listen.
Need a place to start? You can start by asking if your child has any questions or feelings that they’d like to share. Answer the questions they ask with simple answers, when you can.
It’s ok if you don’t have all the answers. Simply validating their words and feelings will help them feel supported. Here are a few ideas of things to say when you don’t have an answer:
“That’s a good question.”
“I was wondering the same thing.”
“I feel that way sometimes too.”
“I’m glad I got to hear your questions/feelings.”
“Would you like to look for more books like this?”
The Human Rights Campaign and PFLAG have lots of additional resources. A few of these include:
The Trans Youth Equality Foundation is also a great resource. Here’s their suggested book list for kids & parents.
I would really value comments and feedback on these books! Please leave a comment or send me an e-mail. Let me know what you thought of these books, if they were helpful, or not. What resources have been helpful to you and your family?
Steven Salvatore is a young adult fiction writer, educator and activist.
You can find more information about Steve on their Web site. Look for their book, The Other Side of Silence, out in Winter 2021.
